Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize