Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Randomize
