It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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