we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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