Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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