apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
