I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
and you said cock pushups were impossible
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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