I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
