shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
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