I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
