Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
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