u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
