He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
