that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
