i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
