we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Randomize
