Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
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