Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Randomize
