hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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