What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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