come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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