so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
