it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
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