is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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