when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
