yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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