I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
whose parrot is this?
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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