I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Randomize
