there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
