Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
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