there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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