Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize