I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Randomize
