We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Randomize
