You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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