I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
