I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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