It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
