You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
