The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
