if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
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