pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
there is glitter all over my balls
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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