This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
