nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
