You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Randomize
