Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
