so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
