9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize