"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
