Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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