So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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