I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize