oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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