my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
