new low.... made out with someone while peeing
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
