can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
