It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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