Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
