Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
