How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
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