I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
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