and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
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