i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize