I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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