There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
