Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
