I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
