Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
