hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
