I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Randomize